No teaser text for this one. It speaks for itself. I address a problem that I’m sure you’ve all encountered. I’ll say it now to all of you…you’re welcome. | Continue »
My dad’s truck is having a rough week. He sent me a text late yesterday afternoon. It was intriguing. It began, “Need a favor.” Another message followed, stating, “We R up north. Can you look up a # for a tow truck?” I didn’t get the messages immediately. Since an... | Continue »
Spring is definitely in the air lately. The snow has disappeared, and the animals have emerged from their winter slumber to recharge their batteries after an especially long winter. The other morning after breakfast, my daughter and I stood… | Continue »
I'm not sure what exactly it is about an apple that inspires laziness. For example, if you think about it there aren't many foods that are easier to eat than an apple. It is nicely sized to fit in most hands, and overall most people find it to be a... | Continue »
An opossum showed up underneath my bird feeder the other day. Look at me being all formal - hereafter, it shall be referred to as a possum. He's been coming back fairly regularly, too, which has added great excitement to my daughter's life. She thinks he's cute, which is about... | Continue »
One of the challenges that comes with writing is finding a way to express something relatively simple in a way that still makes a strong impression on the reader. Ideally, it leaves them wanting more. If you pick up a book and it starts with, "It was a dark and... | Continue »
There are times when I'm mildly accused of having Depression-era sensibilities. That is not to say that I am cheap. I'm not, really. I just prefer to think that I'm not particularly wasteful. I can see the point, I guess. For example, I have a three-tiered system for running shoes.... | Continue »
So you've probably noticed by now that one of my many neuroses revolves around the way people communicate information. By the time we're adults, we've garnered enough wisdom to place the proper context around whatever someone else meant to say. But if everything was taken literally as it was spoken,... | Continue »
There's something fascinating to me about that bulletin board at the grocery store. If I were an anthropologist (for the record, I am not), it would be the first place that I'd go to study the local sub-culture. The posting system at Piggly Wiggly is like a redneck Craigslist. There,... | Continue »
Every once in awhile, an idea so obvious jumps out at me that I wonder why I didn't think of it sooner. For example, I'm reading a book about grizzly bears and am learning some fascinating facts about them. I'm also starting to think that they're being grossly underutilized by... | Continue »
Feeling too lazy and drunk on football euphoria to write anything banal today. Since I'm assuming a Packer Super Bowl at this point, below is a little somethin' somethin' to set the mood. BTW, the Bears and Vikings still suck. In every way. Don't take my word for it. The... | Continue »
I have a theory. Actually, I have lots of theories. (e.g., there is a direct correlation between a software developer's technical ability and their inability to judge proper pantleg length. The better the code, the more prepared they are for a flood.) But my latest theory has nothing to do... | Continue »
Fear is a complicated thing. Last summer, I stood on my deck with the camcorder rolling as a funnel cloud drifted right over the top of the house. It didn't scare me a bit. You know, since I possess the speed to outrun Mother Nature and all. Contrast that with... | Continue »
Since it is a new year, I wanted to keep things light. 'Cuz you know, I'm always so serious. Rather than write some 900 word essay obsessing on minutiae (per usual), I thought I'd simply share some gifts that I've been fortunate to receive. You see, I've overheard some damned... | Continue »
When my daughter was very little, she would wake up in the morning and coo to herself in her crib. I remember standing just outside her door and listening to that tiny pipsqueak voice and being awed by the fact that she was learning her own voice. Kids do tend... | Continue »
I do not intend to waste anyone's time recycling a concept. But bear with me. On a previous episode of "...but I digress", I shared with you my undying love for empty business buzzwords. You know, solutioning a problem and architecting a solution. I've been listening carefully. There are even... | Continue »
Before I get to the heart of my intended post, let me start by saying that I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was pretty okay, but I'll be the first to admit that I'm a tough person to shop for at Christmastime. My parents want to ensure that... | Continue »
There's a pretty good chance this writing thing will never pay the bills, so I keep a day job. If both of those options fall through completely, I believe that I've identified my next career choice. It is a unique and specialized position, but one that I think the world... | Continue »
I've taken my fair share of ribbing over the years from people over the fact that I grew up in a small town. A really small town. My senior class had 63 people in it. Only 52 graduated. I suppose it is a step up from where my dad grew... | Continue »
It never ceases to amaze me how much human behavior is altered when there is a little snow in the forecast. Some latent - yet bizarre - element of survival instinct is triggered when (ohmygosh!) the lastest storm of the century is bearing down on us. Hours before the first... | Continue »
I knew things would never be the same in my family after that afternoon back in '85. My dad and I were off doing something together and made our return home. We pulled into the driveway and immediately noticed that something was slightly amiss. Something looked different with his prized... | Continue »
It has been awhile since I've posted any updates on my Indian friends. Bit-by-bit, I have accumulated some fascinating cultural facts from them. And I have faithfully served as their cultural ambassador in-kind. A couple of the guys I know are heading back to India at the end of the... | Continue »
The most horrific thing I have ever seen didn't involve guts and blood, gore nor violence. No, it was an entire desk drawer full of fingernail clippings. There had to have been 5 pounds of fingernails in that sucker. I've seen a lot of things in my life, and I... | Continue »
Nothing says 'Tis the Season' like freezing your ass off in a hardware store parking lot while waiting for the chance to have a photo snapped with an authentic reindeer. We shivered with the masses while we waited our turn in line. My dead-honest, curious little one admired the beautiful... | Continue »
Mind your P's and Q's, everyone. It is illegal to text while driving in Wisconsin as of December 1st. Damn, why do they have to take the fun out of everything? Not to worry, though. I saw in an article that mobile providers are scrambling to provide technology where you... | Continue »
As the years pass and the expanse that is my forehead increases, I look back at old photos and lament the many poor choices I made when hair seemed like an infinite resource. Oh, the squandered folly(cle?) of youth. Until age 12 or so, I accompanied my dad to the... | Continue »
My sister and I were chatting recently about some of our more memorable experiences while growing up. Like many other siblings, we have a knack for embarrassing/humbling one another many years after the fact. I thought that relaying some of those stories would make good fodder for the blog. Over... | Continue »
So my timing is impeccable as usual. I wanted to send a sincere note of thanks to everyone for reading along with the madness. Thanksgiving would have been a good day for that. Missed that window. The blog has registered far more visitors than I ever expected. Two visitors was... | Continue »
Certain things bother me. To wit: Subdivisions that aren't called subdivisions. They're '"Conservation Comunities." They have names like "Quail Pointe Crossing at Whitetail Passage." The use of Olde English is a must. The "at" is prerequisite so you know what hallowed ground (of phony historical significance) that this (mythical) place... | Continue »
I got caught in the giggle loop the other day. We've all been in the giggle loop. It's the dreaded and unfortunate vortex where a funny thought pops into your head at an incredibly inappropriate moment. The urge to stifle a smile or a giggle makes it even harder to... | Continue »
I wrote a love poem to a friend's girlfriend once. No, I wasn't trying to commit a 'robbery' in any way. In fact, I was trying to save his sorry ass from certain misery. It only seems appropriate for the blog that I share the poem, which was recently re-discovered... | Continue »
The program promised pooches with tons of talent, tricks, and skills. False advertising. My girl and I had a daddy-daughter date the other night and took in…I’m not sure exactly what it was. I was under the impression that we were going to see a dynamic production of performing Pomeranians... | Continue »
The Family that Slays Together
Hillbilly. That one little word paints a thousand pictures. Long ago and far away, I occasionally did some book learning between drinking binges. My class was studying the classic American sub-cultures by region. Quakers…Mennonites…(yawn)…People of Appalachia… Hey, wait a second here. My eyes darted back to those words. I can... | Continue »
Let me take the opportunity to send a shout out to my mom’s clan for the gift of high cheekbones. Thanks to that anatomical blessing, my skull has lots of room in it for the ol’ maxillary sinus cavities. I never thought much about my sinuses before. Who does, really?... | Continue »
Someone is texting me on a fairly regular basis. It’s been going on for almost 2 years, and it’s definitely a dude. Other than that, I have NO CLUE who it is. How he got my number - and why he continues to put up with my lack of response... | Continue »
Everyone knows at least one chronic ball-scratcher. Guys, if you don’t know who that fella is, then it's probably you. I’m not talking here about a guy who occasionally performs a slight, discreet tweak. In the course of human events, these things happen. I'm referring to the guy who openly... | Continue »
Wisconsin is a place where many residents threaten to leave with the arrival of each new weather system. Yet most people stay. Why is that? One theory is that there is no greater people-watching venue on earth than amongst our people. The taxes may be high, but the programming is... | Continue »
Have you ever read something that was so unexpected that it stopped you in your tracks? I have. It happened last weekend when I was getting my bikes ready for winter and was applying silicone spray to the chains. Something on the can’s label caught my eye. It was in... | Continue »
Some family traditions should be passed along to the younger generations to preserve heritage. When my sister was a senior in high school and I was a freshman, we combined our powers of mischief to create a caper that still comes up at class reunions and family gatherings. We hope... | Continue »
I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong. I was wrong.
There are a few things that guys just know they shouldn’t do. For instance, we know better than to step up right next to another guy in the men’s room if there is an open spot once removed windward or leeward. Always maximize that buffer. Never start a conversation in... | Continue »
With the cooler weather comes the inevitable: Dogs donning coats and sweaters. I don’t understand why people would put a sweater on a dog. Seriously, that’s the same as putting a swimming suit on a fish. Or a Baby Bjorn on a kangaroo. Someone at the Department of Redundancy Department... | Continue »
Today I received a very nice e-mail (in a lovely pink font) reminding me that October is "Breast Awareness Month". So they are finally making it official, eh? In my world, that's pretty much every month on the ol' calendar. I was getting ready to dash from my chair to... | Continue »
"Dude, what's wrong with you?" I get that a lot, and I've given the answer some thought. Six years of parochial school probably got me started on the twisted path. When in was in third grade, our wierdo janitor Eddie came to school dressed as Sister Edwina. It wasn't Halloween.... | Continue »
The die has been cast. My daughter decided that she wants to dress up as Elmo this year. Great...she's a cross-dresser. When I was a kid, I preferred a costume with a mask. It helped to hide the disappointment/disdain on my face when I got to that house where they... | Continue »
This morning, I scanned the paper before tackling the day. A headline about a casting call for 'hicky' actors caught my eye. That's the kind of hard-hitting, substantial news that begs to be read. "The casting call listed clothing options including trucker or 'John Deer' (sic) hats that are 'not... | Continue »
I love the intraweb. It is so useful for looking up lyrics to songs and figuring out what the hell some of the words are supposed to be. You've had this dilemma, I'm sure. There's a familiar song but you don't quite know exactly what a line is...so you sing... | Continue »
I walked into the men's room at work yesterday, and it smelled just like an Italian restaurant in there. That was very much unanticipated. Last week, there was a guy in there conducting a conference call via his cell phone while sitting on a toilet. I wonder if the same... | Continue »
I was surfing through the channels a few days ago and caught an episode of 'Cribs.' I love that show because it is so unpredictable. You know, where a young: a) rapper; b) athlete; c) athlete who aspires to be a rapper has a crazy huge house with framed 'Scarface'... | Continue »
I'd give anything to have been a fly on the wall back in the late 60's when breakfast cereal companies were fielding branding pitches from their product marketing folks. I picture a relatively serious group of pudgy, middle-aged men in ill-fitting dark suits gathered around a big oak table in... | Continue »
I'd love to help, but I'm a little short
Midgets must be very lazy. What other excuse is there for them not completely dominating the farming and gardening professions? Long ago, tall people recognized the natural edge they enjoy in basketball. But it seems that midgets haven't show the same ambition nor ingenuity in applying their physical advantages toward... | Continue »
I've noticed that all of my uncles are wearing remarkably BRIGHT WHITE New Balance low top tennies lately. I'm not sure what makes that particular brand so popular with them, and I get curious when certain anomalies like that appear in nature. Perhaps it is some clever marketing aimed at... | Continue »
United We Stand, Hold the Mustard
I grew up in a really small town. For at least 50 years, everyone down home circles a weekend in September to celebrate a festival devoted to hot dogs and sauerkraut. This is a fact. It seems that at one point in time, well before my birth, the two largest... | Continue »
My daughter is 2-1/2. We have developed a nice little ritual on Saturday mornings where we run off and do errands together. She's pretty good company. She likes my kind of errands (Fleet Farm and Cabela's) and she digs my music. I think we've moved beyond the kiddie song CDs... | Continue »
I work with a bunch of very gentle Indian fellas who's lack of English is only outshined by their disregard for personal hygiene. They ask me every Monday if I watched the "football match" and then...a week passes without verbal contact and we do it again the next Monday. I... | Continue »
