Merry Christmas. That's right, I said it. Somewhere during my lifetime that phrase became taboo, and it became politically correct to wish others happy holidays. 'Cuz gosh, in America the last thing you want to do is hurt anyone's feelings.
Who exactly was offended in the first place, by the way? Can anyone tell me that? Maybe I have sufficiently thick skin, but if a Jewish person tossed a Happy Hannakuh my way, I can assure you that even though I am not that faith, I would not be offended. Puzzled, perhaps, but not offended. What's the harm in those words? If offered with obviously kind intentions, I'd just say thanks. Or shalom.
People have become so afraid of offending others that it borders on the ridiculous. I find clerks wearing Santa hats while wishing me happy holidays so ironic. That's rich. There is a legion of us out there - I just know it - who look those folks dead in the eye and return a nice fat "Merry Christmas" to them. As we all should.
(Do you want to know what does offend me? I'm offended that Scott Baio got a reality show because he couldn't find a date. Cripes, back in the day he dated both Heather Locklear and Pam Anderson. He blew it. You gotta make hay while the sun shines, son. Don't bitch to me about your commitment issues. Man up, Chachi.)
I was watching the news the other morning, and a local weatherman led off a highly boring story with, "Last night at the Christmas party...holiday party....er, at the company party last night..." Wow. Even 'holiday party' is verboten. He looked like he wanted to bury himself for even opening his yapper.
I refer to the parties that occur this time of year as 'coincidentals.' Because it's some friggin' coincidence that all these parties are held around Christmastime and have a Christmas theme and Christmas decorations and Christmas trees and Christmas cookies and Christmas presents. But they have nothing, of course, to do with Christmas.
(Something else that offends me: People who wear homemade Chistmas outfits in public. I'm not offended by their right to celebrate, but rather that I co-exist on this planet alongside people who think a vest with a gaudy wreath stitched on one side and a cartoonish Rudolph on the other passes for fashion. That offends my sensibilities.)
So...if everyone gets on-board and pretends that they are oblivious to the fact that it is indeed Christmas, does that make everyone complicit in the lie? If so, then it is true that none of us is as dumb as the sum of us.
Look, 75% of Americans are either Christian or were raised amidst those traditions. The word 'faith' means something different to every single person on the planet. I just wish people would lighten up and let, y'know, the VAST majority of people just enjoy themselves once per year without fear of being offensive to a bunch of whiners.
Christmas should be about giving and receiving. It is a time for remembering and making time for those we care about. When I was a child, my parents didn't have the means to provide a lot for us at Christmas. But they always instilled in us a gratitude for what we did have and a recognition that there were others who where less fortunate.
As a kid, I earned my dork badge by reading the newspaper every day. Around Christmas, there was a charity that placed daily ads to get their fundraising message out. The idea was to generate donations so toys could be purchased for kids who had none.
The clincher was the image they used...it was of a little girl in a tattered nightshirt kneeling at the foot of her bed, where her stocking was hung. Her head was in her hands and she was sobbing, because on Christmas morning her stocking was empty. Santa didn't come.
Even as a boy, that image elicited a strong emotion of empathy for that fictional little girl. If anyone wasn't similarly moved, I'd argue that they don't have a heart.
As adults, I suppose we're better equipped to deal with those kinds of disappointments than children are. It doesn't mean that the pain of Santa forgetting about us is any less.
Every year, I ask Santa for a mistletoe beltbuckle. Every year, my stocking is lacking that item. Inside, I am the sobbing child.
But enough about me. Here's to hoping that everyone's wishes come true this year. Have a great Christmas Eve and a Merry Christmas.
If you don't celebrate Christmas, please don't be a pain in the ass and ruin it for the rest of us who do (after all, it is usually the 'tolerant' crowd that pisses all over everyone else's parade).
There will be no Friday post this week, because I am a guy and thusly expect to still be shopping on Christmas Eve. Priorities.
I hope everyone is safe and happy.
