The most horrific thing I have ever seen didn't involve guts and blood, gore nor violence. No, it was an entire desk drawer full of fingernail clippings. There had to have been 5 pounds of fingernails in that sucker. I've seen a lot of things in my life, and I don't have what I'd consider to be a weak stomach. But for some reason, I almost puked on the spot when I saw those fingernails.
They were discovered after a co-worker retired and his desk was being cleaned out. The sheer genius of his plan left me in awe. For years and years he dutifully opened his drawer and clipped his nails into it. What a retirement present. That has to be the best 'up yours' in history. Everyone who saw it was moved to nausea. Gone, but never forgotten.
People are odd creatures in general. They like to say stupid things, too. I wore glasses to work one day and someone commented that I must have bad eyes. That's why I wear them. Call me kooky. Bad vision is a handicap! You wouldn't go up to someone in a wheelchair and say, "Gee, you have bad legs." Then he asked if he could try the glasses on. Jeepers, dude. I also have underwear on. Do you want to give them a shot, too?
I took my identical twin nephews into a store when they were about three. Aside from the fact that they are virtually indestinguishable from one another, they were also dressed exactly alike. A woman walked up to me and declared, "They must be twins." I looked at her blankly and said, "It would be a heck of a coincidence if they weren't."
Kids seem to be magnets for silly comments from people who clearly don't know any better. My family was wandering through Kohl's one day when a lady approached us, looked at our daughter and said to me, "Oh, she looks just like you! Are you her father?" What the hell kind of question is that? I set my jaw and looked sternly at my wife. "Well? Am I?!" The lady quickly excused herself. So did my wife.
Sometimes funny remarks are gifts overheard while just minding one's own business. While watching the elephants at the zoo, I overheard one young woman say to another, "Are those elephants?" No, she wasn't blind.
Are there other giant, gray, trunked animals that are often confused for elephants? I could see if there was a kangaroo/wallaby confusion issue. Crocodile vs. alligator? Sure, that's a tricky one. We can't all be zoologists, after all. But an elephant? Really? Maybe she thought it was a shaved snuffleupagus.
The best fun, though, is when people use a word to be fancy and by gosh, it turns out to be the wrong word. I used to work with a guy, and he loved to bust chops. He fancied himself quite the wit. However, it was always a mistake when he did that. He had no game. He'd serve his best zinger over the net, and we'd return a scorching missile that would leave him flustered and poutful.
However, one day he clarified things for us and told us that it didn't really bother him when we got a good shot in on him. As he stated, "I can take it. I have a self-defecating sense of humor."
Wow. He's so funny that he poops himself. That's really something.
