It has been awhile since I've posted any updates on my Indian friends. Bit-by-bit, I have accumulated some fascinating cultural facts from them. And I have faithfully served as their cultural ambassador in-kind. A couple of the guys I know are heading back to India at the end of the year to get married. Neither has met his future wife. They will meet them on the days they get married. That's pressure. How many blind dates actually work out? Imagine having to marry a blind date...and one that your parents picked out for you, to boot.
Not to be crass, but shouldn't there be at least an opportunity for both the bride and groom to do a little, um..pre-purchase examination of the goods? Let's face it, if the moment arrives to make sexytime and either or both are getting the raw end of the deal/short end of the stick (damn you, irresistible puns), that seems like it could make eternity a heck of a lot longer.
I'm sure that arranged marriages have their selling points. For the woman, it means that a man from an honorable family will be able to provide for her security and needs. Only the finest stock has been pre-selected for her to prosper and create her own family.
For the man, it means pretty much guaranteed sex on the first date.
It looks like a pretty rosy deal on the surface.
They also taught me that when their children are born, they are covered in hair. I thought this was a slight exaggeration. Then I saw a photo of an infant. WHOA.
Cute little guy, but he sported both a fine beard and a fuzzy forehead. Eddie Munster had nothing on this kid. It is the traditional role of the grandparents to remove the hair by covering the child in oil and rolling a dough-like paste over the skin until it is gone.
That sure struck me as odd. Hairy babies? But y'know what, they probably go home and write snarky blog posts about circumcision. Fair enough.
I try my best to contribute to their cultural enrichment. Just the other day, I fielded a very interesting question about the soldiers. That would be the soldiers in the Salvation Army. They saw the seasonal emergence of bell-ringers in front of stores, and were wondering what that branch of the military did.
Think of how confusing that must be to a visitor from another country. Salvation = I will save you. Army = I will kill you. They need to tweak their marketing message a bit.
I was so tempted to tell them that the Salvation Army provides ground support for the Salvation Air Force, while the Salvation Navy delivers the Salvation Marines to do all the dirty work. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
We all went to lunch the other day. They asked me if GaGa was a common American surname. What? You mean like Lady Gaga? Two of them grinned brightly and nodded their heads furiously. Added one of them, "She's just terrific!" Okay. If you say so. I said I thought it was more common in Canada, but I was unsure of the origins. Take that factoid back to impress your new brides, fellas.
I'm just glad they didn't ask me to explain 'I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.' They'll be figuring that one out soon enough.
