I do not intend to waste anyone's time recycling a concept. But bear with me. On a previous episode of "...but I digress", I shared with you my undying love for empty business buzzwords. You know, solutioning a problem and architecting a solution. I've been listening carefully. There are even more. Some circulate like viruses.
It starts innocently enough. One yo-yo drops a hollow word or phrase in a meeting and the next thing you know, it spreads like wildfire.
An example that comes immediately to my mind is the word 'obfuscate'. Ironically, it means to render unclear or unintelligible. More often than not, it is used in an entirely improper fashion. "Do we need to do that in Phase 1, or will it obfuscate our capacity?"
I once suffered a good six-month stretch listening to this word endure an office-wide butchering. By the end of its run, the meaning had completely reversed polarity. "This doesn't have enough detail in it. Is there anything we can add to obfuscate it?"
Huh?
Finally, though, the word went away. Actually, it morphed into a new word. That new word was 'obsticate.' I would provide a definition, but it is not a real word. It just became one. Poof. Just like that. It is proof of Creation by unintelligent design. Someone obviously didn't commit the correct pronunciation to memory despite hearing it repeated several thousand times.
Linguistic evolution has provided a guilt-free mechanism for people to be quite insulting and disrespectful. Instead of telling someone they're stupid, some people are more comfortable saying, "With all due respect, I think you are stupid." The first part of that phrase is the key. It absolves the socially inept of any sin.
It is the business equivalent of its more common civilian cousin, the one where someone is 'just saying' something. "Your ass looks like a bulldozer in those jeans. I'm just saying," or "I'm not saying that your mother is a hooker. I'm just saying that the woman who birthed and raised you gets paid to service sailors." No harm there at all, since it has been properly disclaimed.
A guy mentioned to me the other day that he'd be gone the following day. Specifically, he told me that he'd be "out of pocket." I got the gist of what he meant, but it sounded SO stupid to me. The little devil inside me just had to play loopy and request a definition. He told me that he was going to be on vacation.
The little devil spoke again and asked why he didn't just say he'd be on vacation. He answered that technically it meant he'd be unreachable by cell phone. So technically, I continued, wouldn't "in pocket" be more appropriate? After all, isn't that where his phone was likely to stay if it happened to ring?
He just cocked his head like a dog does when it hears a squeaky toy. I get that look from people a lot when my inside voice escapes.
I often hear a neighbor in the back forty of my cube farm using the word 'subtrefuge.' "We have a critical situation, and I have to get on a call to do some subtrefuge." I know that he means something more along the lines of 'damage control' or 'triage' (another word that makes me gag only slightly less).
At least I hope he's simply making a mistake in his usage, because by definition it means to utter a statement with the intent of deceiving others. That's not good customer care.
And boy howdy, has that word been making the rounds lately. It isn't simply viral; it's pandemic. Absurd.
I've have been known to use the wrong word from time-to-time, although I'm more prone to typos and misspellings than the wanton misuse of a word. Regretfully, in the arithmetic of my life, typing + carelessness = I'm a jackass. In a recent IM exchange with a friend, I agreed with a very solid opinion she shared by responding, "I'm sure you're tight."
I read back my own words and took a hard blink. Oh dammit! Why did they put the frickin' 'R' and 'T' right next to each other on the keyboard?! "I'm sure you're RIGHT! RIGHT!" ~groan~ A clumsy clarification/apology was issued immediately.
Lacking a time machine to correct this unfortunate goof up, I awaited my fate. After an acceptible amount of uncomfortable silence, she laughed mightily at me. The really great thing about screwing up a lot is that people don't expect any better from you. Whew. Good times.
If I didn't have very forgiving friends, I'd have none. To err is human. But to mangle the mother tongue with malice is unnecessary and frankly, a little goofy.
With all due respect, if I walked around obsticating and subtrefuging my way through life and nobody cared enough to tell me, I'd need to go out of pocket for awhile to reflect on my place in this world.
I'm just saying.
