Every once in awhile, an idea so obvious jumps out at me that I wonder why I didn't think of it sooner. For example, I'm reading a book about grizzly bears and am learning some fascinating facts about them. I'm also starting to think that they're being grossly underutilized by society.
Consider that an average grizzly weighs between 800 and 1200 lbs, yet is able to run at speeds of up to 38 mph. Additionally, a grizzly bear's sense of smell is 200 times stronger than that of a bloodhound. Wow. Who knew? Question: Why the heck do they track fugitives with bloodhounds? I'm serious. I've never been on the lam before...but if I were to make a great escape, I think that my keen woodsiness and instincts would be enough to outgun Roscoe P. Coltrane and his dog Flash. (Bo and Luke Duke got way to much credit for their guile, in my opinion.) On the other hand, if you send a 1/2 ton of snarling grizzly bear after me, I'm pretty sure I'll cry "UNCLE!" post-haste. I don't even think that my sneezes travel 38 mph, so I could forget about trying to outrun it.
Plus, bears climb trees - thus, eliminating a potential escape option. Bloodhounds lack both the opposable thumb and hug-friendly elbow angles required to climb trees effectively.
Maybe someone has already considered using grizzly bears as tracking beasts, rather than the more common bloodhound. Perhaps their use was vetoed due to, say, the high probability of a mauling once the bear catches up to the perp. Bloodhounds seem to have a simple, gentle side about them. Not grizzlies.
However, I see the potential for maulings as a positive thing. What a great deterrent. Grizzlies just flat out do whatever the situation calls for without the burden of a conscience. Bad guys are willing to run from a bloodhound because in the worst case scenario, they get apprehended and slobbered upon. With a grizzly, the consequences skew a bit steeper than that.
Also, I think grizzlies are highly intelligent, trainable, and would be quite adaptable to the manhunting role. A dog lives for what, 12-14 years? Grizzlies can still kick ass at 25 and older. The economies of scale favor the bear as a cheaper, more efficient, and more durable animal.
Plus, they always trump a bloodhound in athleticism. I've seen a bear on ice skates before. Bears in the circus wear funny hats and ride bicycles. They can even be trained to box and dance ballet (wearing a tutu).
There's no way you could get a bloodhound on ice skates. Boxing gloves? On a dog? Forget it. Sure, you could dress one up in a tutu, but I just can't see one in an arabesque pose. I can't even believe that I know a ballet postion.
A dog on a bike? How? They don't even try that one in cartoons.
So there you have it. I'll just let the facts stand on their own. Humbly, my idea flat out rocks. Truthfully, when it comes down to the brass tacks of manhunting creatures, I cannot see a single downside to replacing dopey bloodhounds with angry grizzly bears.
If a few criminals become snacks along the way, so be it.
Darwinism can be a real vengeful bitch that way.
