One of the challenges that comes with writing is finding a way to express something relatively simple in a way that still makes a strong impression on the reader. Ideally, it leaves them wanting more.
If you pick up a book and it starts with, "It was a dark and stormy night...", there's a pretty good chance you'll slam it shut. That's a lot of pressure.
Songwriters have it much easier. Growing up, I heard at least a million times that Paul McCartney and John Lennon were musical geniuses. That's a distinction they earned, I suppose, with such insightful lyrics as, "She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah." Catchy? Perhaps. Deep? Um, no.
Our generation regards Sting as one of its finest artists. "De do do do. De da da da." That's all I want to say to you.
Lyricists are also granted the gravity to write something abstract and contrived if they make it sound really soulful. In truth, they are usually just sticking in random words that pop into their heads.
Do you recognize this? "Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken? Your best friend always sticking up for you...even when I know you're wrong." Of course you do.
I have a couple of problems with that whole ensemble. I'm pretty sure the 'deep-fried chicken' was thrown in there because they needed something that roughly rhymed with 'sticking.'
Jeepers, if the fellas in Train had Col. Sanders on the mind, I concede that it was a better choice than 'finger-licking'. But still.
Problem number two is telling a friend that you know they're wrong and sticking up for them. That isn't friendship. That's enabling. A true friend will be honest enough to tell their friends the brutal truth, rather than sticking up for them and allowing them to continue going down the wrong path.
For example, I saw a guy walk into work the other day sporting a 'shirt wiener'. For the uninitiated, it is when a guy zips up his fly before tucking the bottom of his dress shirt inside his pants. Generally, males grow out of this fashion faux pas when they are about 6 or 7 years old.
I felt sorry for him. He must not have anyone who cares enough to point this out to him. Poor guy.
If I was a better person, I'd have said something to him. That's a big 'if'. Guy code is a tricky thing. You see - if I knew him - I'd just walk up to him with a scissor and offer to perform a briss. Or maybe I'd approach with a Zippo and attempt to light his fuse. He'd figure it out from there.
Or if he was a really close friend, I'd wait until there was a big crowd of people around and blurt out, "Rooster on the loose!" or something along those lines.
Since he was a stranger, I don't think it was my place to approach him - even discretely - to make him aware of the issue.
No matter how I'd phrase it, I'm pretty sure his brain would hear, "I was staring at your crotch, Sir, and couldn't help but notice that your package has a tag hanging from it."
For future reference, if you encounter a friend with this very issue...give him the facts in a very direct manner. Don't just ramble on about a life without deep-fried chicken, for cripe sake. He'll never figure what the heck you're talking about if you do that.
And for women especially...if he's a complete stranger, don't even bother telling him about it. He'll think you were checking him out. From that point forward, all he'll hear on a repeating loop in his head is, "She loves you, yeah, yeah yeah."
Yoko Ono was begrudgingly considered the fifth Beatle. I'm guessing that Ringo had a shirt wiener somewhere along the way, and she pointed it out. He shared his thoughts on that with John, and the rest is history.
I think Ringo was the real genius.
